InsaneAlphaBeta 2024-06-17 05:50:10

Great job!

Marek1shtar 2024-06-17 13:47:43

This was a nice read. The ending was very thoughtful and sweet

jamriot 2024-06-20 16:12:17

I really loved this! Your pieces have always been nice to read, but this is a step above anything I've read from you before. This was a really intimate piece, and I seriously felt like I was rewatching someone's memories with the way you skipped around different time periods. It's difficult to make something so conversational and intentionally informal feel so powerful and complete, and I really commend you for that! I really have no constructive feedback for you aside from looking out for minor grammar mistakes. Thank you for participating and keep an eye out for future events!

Intrapath 2024-06-27 09:32:24

Early on, I had trouble following which character the POV was written from. In the section where Laila was mentioning her age in comparison to Ammar, I think I sort of latched onto her as the protagonist for some reason, and it wasn't until just before the skip to 2 years later that I realized it was a different character entirely. It's possible that was just a "me" thing and nobody else had that issue, but I'd be curious to see if anyone else did!

I think Jamriot said it well: this truly did feel like reading someone's memories. It felt so real, for me, there was a blend of sweetness and discomfort. There's beauty in seeing the moments that all come together to make a person who they are, but at the same time, it felt like I was looking in on something I had no business seeing. Like I was intruding in a place only meant for the people who were already there.

At the same time though, I'm glad there are stories like these. While I was reading, I was thinking of a friend who can't have kids, and is past the age of being able to have her own anyway. There have been separate times when she's found comfort in stories like these that show a family's every day growth and struggles - they help her escape to a place where she can imagine herself in that situation. At other times though, they've been painful reminders of the life she can never have. There are ways to mitigate that pain, but it'll never fully disappear.

On top of that though, you didn't shy away from the memories that break a family down, too. This was a very strong, uncomfortable read; I admit it took me a few nights of starting and stopping to fully commit to completing it. All in all, this was a wonderful story.

Remi-le-Oduen 2024-07-03 14:19:41

The main topic and problem of this piece is not something that I am much interested in. But the writing and the character presentation hooked me enough to read till the end. I'll be honest, my first thought after the ending was "that's it?". I mean, for the most part the character conflict is presented as external - a reaction to family members being born or passing away. And it is resolved quite smoothly without much effort or struggle depicted. Then in the end an internal conflict is suddenly presented and then it gets resolved in the same smooth way almost without main character involvement. And the conflict itself is quite superficial - the character always have the inner integrity and shows no doubts about themselves, just by the end bringing her form, her body, in accordance to her inner, mental content. In this sense, I felt no rebirth actually happening. It was still a pleasant reading though, I was amused at the protagonist opinion of other children and was happy for her at the end, but still felt a bit disappointed and anticlimactic.